omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
3pm strippers are depressing
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
