We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
