So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
