i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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