I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
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You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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