fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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