Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
