yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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