Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
