Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
