i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
