I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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