a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
