I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize