Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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