i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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