I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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