I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
