ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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