My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
