He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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