I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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