I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
