i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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