You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
