It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
