i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
