I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize