R you on birth control?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.