we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
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And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
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it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS