Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother