Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.