i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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