If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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