I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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