she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
