Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
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Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
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And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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