he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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