and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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