I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
