Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
