she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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