she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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