It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
