where does the pee come out of this thing
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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