and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
