The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
