best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you will always have a special place in my vag
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So vagazzling was a success
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
