Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
