U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
