I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
