He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
