WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
