Where did you get a picture of my penis
the condom got lost in my hair
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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