Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
