So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We need to get me chipped asap
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
