a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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