I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
