before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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