sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
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constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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