Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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