He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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