We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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