Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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