And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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