I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
