the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
