EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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