Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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