After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
