Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
