there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
