the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
